Kursi Nggak Salah Apa-Apa

Berapa sering kita melihat seorang anak berlari dan tersandung kursi dan menangis? Saya rasa ini adalah pemandangan yang sangat umum kita lihat. Dan setiap kejadian ini terjadi, berapa sering kita melihat pengasuh mereka (baik orangtua atau babysitter) yang memukul kursi tersebut sambil memarahi kursinya dan mengatakan kalau “kursinya nakal”? Bukan hal yang jarang, bukan?


Mungkin terlihat sederhana, tapi ada satu hal yang menurut saya cukup fatal di sini. Anak tersebut bisa tersandung bukanlah karena salah kursi tersebut, melainkan karena dia berlari dengan tidak hati-hati dan pengasuhnya tidak mengawasi. Si pengasuh, entah karena tidak mau merasa salah atau tidak mau menyalahkan si anak, akhirnya melimpahkan kesalahan tersebut ke sebuah benda mati yang tentu saja tidak bisa membantah dan akhirnya ada perasaan bebas dari rasa bersalah untuk si anak dan si pengasuh.


Kadang hal kecil kita sepelekan, namun hal besar bisa terjadi karena hal-hal kecil yang berkaitan; contohnya ya kebiasaan menyalahkan benda mati ini.


KPAI belum lama ini menuntut pemblokiran server game dan penghapusan beberapa game dari pasar Indonesia. Menyatakan bahwa game ini merusak anak-anak Indonesia dan hanya membawa dampak negatif pada mereka. Poin yang sesungguhnya debatable; permasalahannya adalah game-game tersebut memang dibuat untuk konsumsi dewasa, bukan anak-anak. Game itu tidak secara aktif meminta si anak untuk memainkan mereka, yang memiliki keputusan aktif untuk pergi memainkan game tersebut adalah si anak yang (seringkali) tidak diawasi atau dibimbing orangtuanya.


Namun seperti saat si anak tersandung kursi, di saat sesuatu hal yang buruk terjadi kita sudah punya defensive stance bahwa orangtua (atau pengasuh) dan anak itu tidak salah. Yang salah adalah “benda”; kenapa kursi itu harus ada di situ saat anak gue lari? Kesandung kan jadinya!

Dan hal ini membuat gue sangat sedih ketika membaca kasus pemerkosaan Yuyun beberapa hari yang lalu. Hell, kasus pemerkosaan manapun, karena selalu ada “benda” yang disalahkan selain si pemerkosa tersebut. Dia habis nonton film porno, oh salah film pornonya karena bikin nafsu. Dia habis minum bir, oh salah alkohol karena alkohol bikin dia mau memperkosa (?). Ceweknya pake baju seksi, oh salah ceweknya karena bikin nafsu.


Pause there.


Kalimat terakhir terasa kurang sreg? Tentu saja, saya juga ngetiknya kesel pake banget. Tapi faktanya kalimat itu sering banget terlontarkan dengan berbagai variasi yang intinya cuma satu: si cewek yang salah karena (isi sendiri).


Inilah yang bikin saya sedih sekaligus malu karena terlihat betapa masyarakat melindungi sekali “kelelakian” ini. Lelaki ini bagai anak yang tidak boleh salah, harus dilindungi oleh masyarakat sebagai pengasuh yang berkewajiban memberikan support agar si anak terus bisa berlari seenaknya dia tanpa halangan dan ketika dia tersandung atas kesalahannya sendiri, yang disalahkan adalah “benda” yang dihajarnya.


Ya, bagi si pengasuh kelelakian ini perempuan adalah “benda” yang ada untuk menggoda laki-laki agar mereka terjatuh. Andaikan si perempuan tidak “menggoda” (baca: tidak pake baju seksi) tinggal cari kambing hitam lain, bisa “kenapa keluar malam”, atau “salah sendiri jalan sendirian” atau, “nafsu habis nonton film porno” atau “namanya juga mabok”, atau banyak lagi alasan-alasan lainnya.


Seriously guys, people, how fragile is our masculinity? How weak are we, as men, until everyone have to protect us from the world rather than admitting the fact that we fuck up. Why do our masculinity have to be pampered like a rich baby being pampered by their maid to the point that we blame everything and degrading our VICTIM, a fellow human being, to a “thing” that “make us do evil stuffs”.


Kita manusia, kita punya akal. Di saat kita melakukan kesalahan dan itu adalah tanggungjawab kita sepenuhnya, bukan tanggungjawab siapa-siapa lagi. Ketika suatu saat kita terjatuh, ketika suatu saat kita berbuat salah, ingat satu hal sederhana:


Kursi nggak salah apa-apa.


Ditulis karena tergugah memberikan sekeping pikiran setelah membaca tulisan Bonni Rambatan di Rolling Stone mengenai budaya patriarkis kita.


May 2 Rant

I can’t think any more appropriate day to write about this.

I usually just do one or two social media post every year on this day to celebrate the life and death of one of my favourite rockstar, but I think this year I want to do more. I’d like to rant about Visual Kei, one of his legacy to the world. We can talk a lot about visual kei, from its status in the musical genre, its business model, its A&R, its place in the sonical terra firma, and so many more but let’s focus on the thing I believe matter the most: its status as an artform.

A lot of people refuse to put Visual Kei as a musical genre on its own since it has no musical identity. The sound of the bands differ greatly, there are little to no correlation between one band and another. Which is partially true if not for the fact that some bands’ sound follow a cliche that literally make them sound indistinguishable to the point of questionable plagiarism.

But I digress.

If you are one of those people who say that VK isn’t a musical genre, I’d totally back your claim. It isn’t. It’s an artform genre that consists of music, visual, stage act, and last but not least: the marketing. I’m not gonna talk about the marketing side of it. My friend Tyas know it better than me so you can ask her instead. I’m gonna talk about the rest instead.

Take a look of Malice Mizer, one of the giant name in VK world. In their (sadly) short career as a band, they have three different vocalists with three different approaches to their musicalities and identities; Tetsu with the raw angst-ridden neoclassical rock, Gackt with the elegant aristocratic approach, and Klaha with the downright dark operatic goth. The look complement their sound and their sound goes hand-in-hand with their look on one big stage act that utilize both powers to the maximum.

Visual Kei isn’t the only one (or even the first, for that matter) to do this. We all know Bowie did it way before, Alice Cooper did it before, (Peter Gabriel) Genesis, plethora of glamrock bands, or the latest one: Lady Gaga did it as well. All have one big similarity:

The visuals are being treated as seriously as the music. The visuals have message, have purpose, and they are being done seriously for the sake of delivering the art.

Sadly, that is exactly what’s missing in some of VK artist nowadays including (but not limited to) my fellow Indonesian. What exist are cliches over cliches without rhyme and reason behind their look as if claiming yourself and your fellow band member as a bishonen is enough to be a good “visual band”. Yes it’s your art and I can’t be scene police saying which band is VK and which band is not, but why should I, as an audience, take your art seriously when you yourself clearly isn’t?

While we’re at it, when someone from a VISUAL KEI scene treat their visual as a means to an end, how can the scene being taken seriously?

Yes, there are artists and band that are doing it good, there are also a good amount of band that has done it better in the past, but my point remains. Hate me if you will, I made a lengthy writing about the importance of visual identity before and I think I have deliver what I mean by “taking visual identity” seriously there. I believe there are musician with same restlessness with me right now that believe this need to be changed, and I believe there are also fellow fans who believe we deserve better.

Especially in our local scene, small that it is.



Good Morning!

Making fun of Kanye seems almost like a norm nowadays. People keep attacking him, saying he’s not a musician, saying that he’s dumb (which is actually true in a sense) and have no right to be called a genius. Which isn’t true, he revolutionised hip-hop production and have a good lot of lyricism aside from his occasional stupidity.

And as we all know, people like stupid because stupid make them feel better about themselves :P.

Take Good Morning for example. This song is one of his seminal work and is one of my personal favourite. It’s a somber song about graduation day and it show Ye’s cynical view about school system (he’s a dropout himself).

While it started as a standard brag song about his achievement after being a lazyass stylish student who happens to be like fly Malcolm X: “buy any jeans necessary” (seriously, Ye -_-), it evolves into a something deeper as the verse goes on:

Good morning, look at the valedictorian
Scared of the future while I hop in the DeLorean
Scared to face the world, complacent career student
Some people graduate, but be still stupid
They tell you read this, eat this, don’t look around
Just peep this, preachers, teach us, Jesus
Okay look up now, they done stoled yo’ streetness
After all of that you received this*

*) graduation paper

First he compare the fresh graduate who are stil unsure about their life past graduation to himself who are ready for the future (hop in the DeLorean).

There are several points he make here: about the “career student” who are focused to the study and study alone and not ready (or even know) what they actually gonna face in the real world. How you don’t necessary have to be smart to graduate from school, you just need to pass the tests and follow the rule (read this, eat this, don’t look around).

And how the “streetness” being taken away by the years and years of schooling.

Some people think the last two lines talk about one should stay “street” and left the school while I believe it’s something beyond that. Kanye talked about how your “street smart” are slowly being dulled by staying in the educational system that was not only turning you into a machine, but make you losing what it actually needed in a real world application.

The street knowledge, the things you can only learn from actually being part of the real society out of the safe bubble that is college.

Some might disagree on this view and I totally understand that. College is important and I just realise that after I actually being the part of the college life itself. But on the flip side we can’t discard the reality about the fresh graduate who are totally oblivious about the real world and got shocked with what they are getting post graduation.

Eight years after the song got released, the now-maturing me believe there should be a balance between education and real world skill. The advancement of technology also helped the younger students to learn to fill the knowledge void formal education left them with. While a lot of school still have the old rigid system, some good lot are actively evolving for the better.

Kanye probably will never go back making songs like this again and I’m totally cool with that. He changes like everybody else do, hopefully for the better sooner or later whether the fans like it or not.

You may see him as Kim’s husband, or that weird egomaniac on Twitter, but I’d like to keep him as the musician that inspired me, both lyrical and production-wise.


Thoughts on Batman V Superman – Spoiler Stuffs

This is not a good movie. There are problems in story and how the narrative being delivered. It seriously could do more with better writings and storytelling. But I left the theater happy and excited. I wanna watch it again and I can’t wait for the extended director’s cut version. I’ll tell you why later.

This long writing will be oozing with spoilers, plots, and all that such so please skip this if you haven’t watch the movie

So the problems. The story is extremely predictable, it’s the very basic story of two heroes fighting because of misunderstanding and shit happens because of the mwahahahahaha guy want to take over the world or something. This is as basic as Kreyshawn’s “Gucci-Gucci”. But basic is not alway bad, ain’t it? Deadpool’s story was basic as fuck and it still delivers well. The question is” does it executed well?

Well… not really. There’s a lot of “why the fuck” and “how the fuck” ensued (especially Lex-related) as well as Lois Lane that slowly turning into walking cliché. There’s some specific scenes where I groaned madly and have something to do with Lois.

And it kinda affect Supes as well. This movie somehow is void of any character development that we got from the previous movie. I really expected to see how killing Zod affected his character, how it change him as a person, but that’s just void. That being said, Henry Cavill is already Supes. He already walking in his skin and I see the Man of Steel on screen. Props for that.

There are a lot of complaint about why he interfere with Batman’s action, why he pick a fight with him, but that’s actually quite simple: Batman simply kill and hurt people without remorse. It really against his boy scout value and it could rise an interesting conversation about the value of “justice” because both heroes enforced their own. But the movie didn’t deliver that well. They just tease with the idea when both guy met at Lex’s party and make the reason seem weak.

Same thing with Supes’ trial. it could’ve been more, could’ve raised a lot more conversation, a lot deeper. The movie seems rushing on the informations and hoping us will connect the dots on our own. Sadly, had they been focusing on these things more we can relate with both heroes more and make us more invested to the fight between those two.

And Doomsday’s use is just plain lazy. I can’t defend that at all. Tho this is the second time I see tentacles in Snyder movie after MoS. I wonder if there’s a pattern here…

By the way, Batman kills people, yes. Straight up bam-bam Frank Castle type with machine gun and blowing up cars and it’s totally out of character. Batman have a strong no-kill policy and he just ignore that in this movie. Some people have problem with it but I am intrigued because of the banter between Bruce and Alfred clearly show that they’ve been through a lot and there are changes in Bruce after all these years.

Alfred: “That’s how it starts. The fever, the rage, the feeling of powerlessness that turns good men… cruel.”
Bruce Wayne: “Twenty years in Gotham. How many good guys are left? How many stay that way?”

And I’m intrigued, I’m curious about what happened that make Bruce throw all those values out of the window and be the man he is? What triggered all the nightmares, the fears, and the movie left us hanging with assumptions.

Pretty much like Supes’ scream after he killed Zod in previous movie.

Snyder seems to just having too much fun playing with “subtlety”, semiotics and subliminals. He tried too hard to “show, not tell” and it’s extremely problematic when the picture is dark and grainy.

Perry White: [to Clark]: “You don’t get to decide what the right thing is!”

Now I sound like I hate this movie, but I don’t. I really don’t. I really got invested with the opening scene, I was on the edge of my seat and feeling Bruce’s emotion when his building collapsed and he looked at Supes with anger. When he run straight to the falling building and helping people with his own hands… that’s Bruce. That’s fucking Bruce and I LOVE it. The Bat v Supes fight also insane, and the climax with Doomsday is just fun to watch.

I love every single Batman moment here, he was strong, brutal, and fucking scary. I really am hoping Suicide Squad do this Batman justice (no pun intended). Kudos for Affleck, I have faith on this guy since the announcment day and it really pays off.

Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman have a lot of potentials and I can’t wait to see more in her upcoming movie. Say whatever you want about her physicality but this woman can fight. She’s elegant, seductively classy, great sense of fashion and really beautiful as Diana Prince, badass mofo as Wonder Woman.

I talked with a friend and we both agree (I think) that Lex is a decent villain. He’s DCEU Shane McMahon (or Martin Skhreli) and I want to punch him on his fucking teeth. So I guess it works. Even though I think he got less interesting as a characted during the last 20% of the movie, especially when he talked about how his dad hit him. A bit too sudden. And his ploy is too convinient. I believe there can be better explanation on what and how he do things but please refer to Snyder’s narrative problem. His dialogues are awesome though, so fucking despicable and campy I love it.

There are fair amount of action scenes, and every single action is perfectly shot. It’s beautiful, brutal it’s rough, but it’s totally clear and I can see what happened on screen. I can see every punch and kick, it gets my adrenaline pumping, the action scenes are exactly the kind of actions what I want to see from this movie.


Unrelated note: the Batman fight scenes here make me believe there’s a big Raid influence to Hollywood.

Alfred is also great. The wit, the mannerism, the delivery, it’s perfect. It’s not the traditional butler-Alfred, but I can’t say no to this new approach of Alfred. It’s great, really great.

Seriously guys, I’d love to talk more but I will sound like a rabid fanboy. There are so many things I enjoyed and this movie made me a happy fan, even though with all its flaws. I will watch it again for the third time and I’m really looking forward to the upcoming DCEU movies.

Let’s end this with the proper song.



Mengenai Jatuh Cinta

Apakah ada yang ingat pertama kali kalian merasakan naksir orang? Segala kebodohan, segala gugup, ragu, takut, bahkan mungkin malu adalah beberapa dari rasa dan laku yang mungkin ada pada masa-masa itu. Semalam gue melempar pertanyaan soal ini di Twitter, menanyakan apa hal terbodoh yang pernah kalian lakukan di kala naksir, dan jawabannya variatif mulai dari yang agak sedih sampai yang beneran lucu (in cute way, not ha-ha way of course).

Ada yang nelpon ke rumah gebetan hanya untuk dengar suaranya dan begitu dia bilang “halo” langsung ditutup, ada yang kirim salam lewat radio (we missed that, don’t we?), ada yang “nembak” dengan cara yang… unconventional.

(ini nembak ala shonen manga banget sih)

Tapi sedihnya semakin kita dewasa segala kebodohan ini perlahan menghilang dari hidup kita seiring dengan banyaknya tuntutan dan syarat dalam hubungan antara dua manusia. Semakin banyak ego, semakin banyak kepentingan, semakin banyak perasaan orang yang harus dijaga membuat kita jauh lebih berhati-hati dalam mengolah perasaan di kepala kita dan tentunya bagaimana mengekspresikannya.

Pun terkadang interaksi kita dengan manusia lain kadang mengubah bagaimana cara kita memandang perasaan kita sendiri.

Is this love?
Is this lust?
Is this just a willing to “own” someone?
Do I really like this person or do I just curious about her?
Does she really like me or she just want to uses me?
Does she only want me for my body?
Do I want her only because of her body?

All the questions, all the thinking, all the overthoughts, it gets tiring somehow.

Rasa-rasanya ini agak malu-maluin kalau diucapkan orang seumuran gue tapi… gue kangen jadi bego karena suka sama cewek. Gue kangen perasaan gugup dan malu-malu yang timbul cuma karena presensi seorang cewek, dan gue kangen dengan fakta bahwa semua itu muncul dari satu pikiran:

“Gue suka dia, harus gimana ya?”

Di mana gue hanya berpikir mengenai “bagaimana”, bukan “kenapa”. Jatuh cinta yang sederhana tanpa pretensi apa-apa, tanpa memikirkan “apa yang lo cari dari dia”, “kenapa lo bisa suka dia”, dan semua itu.

Karena jatuh cinta itu kan sederhana, kitanya aja yang suka bikin ribet sendiri.


“Cewek Banget”

Apa yang membuat gue sedih selama beberapa minggu belakangan ini adalah bagaimana gue tersadar betapa keras macho culture tertanam di pikiran kita tanpa kita sadari. Bahwa kita melihat laki-laki kemayu, laki-laki dandan, atau apapun yang “banci” sebagai “salah” karena mereka terlihat ingin menjadi perempuan; gender yang ditindas.
Mungkin terdengar terlalu kejam kalau gue ngomong seperti itu, tapi coba kita pikirkan; ketika perempuan mengenakan celana mereka dianggap sebagai pihak yang “empowered”, lebih dominan dibanding perempuan yang masih mengenakan rok. Sebaliknya, tidak usahlah kita bicara mengenai pria yang mengenakan rok, v-neck yang terlalu turun pun sudah dikomentarin: “melambai banget jadi laki”.
Melambai itu konon salah karena itu tidak manly, tidak “kuat”, tidak “dominan”, dan…
“Cewek banget.”
Omongan “cewek banget” dengan nada mengejek ini bukan sesuatu yang hanya dikatakan laki-laki ke laki-laki lainnya, tapi juga sangat sering diucapkan oleh perempuan, tanpa sadar bahwa mereka sedang merendahkan diri sendiri di saat bersamaan.
Dan ini baru ngomongin baju, belum ngomongin stereotip lain semacam bergosip, lama mandi, apalah-apalah.
Karena laki-laki selalu dianggap sebagai simbol kekuatan dan dominasi; maka perempuan adalah sosok yang dianggap sebagai simbol submisi, pasif, mereka yang harus ditindas dan diatur.
Pemikiran ini sudah terpatri kuat di pikiran kita sejak kecil sampai sekarang sehingga kita menerima saja fakta tersebut tanpa bertanya banyak.
Dan memandang aneh ketika seorang laki-laki memutuskan tinggal dan bekerja di rumah untuk lebih banyak menjaga anak karena istrinya memiliki pekerjaan yang lebih padat.
Dan memandang aneh ketika seorang perempuan memutuskan untuk fokus bekerja dan tidak berkeluarga.
Dan menerima begitu saja saat seorang istri berhenti dari pekerjaan dengan posisi tinggi untuk “ikut suami”.
Beranggapan bahwa suami harus berpenghasilan lebih tinggi dari istri, yang mengakibatkan konflik yang sebenarnya tidak perlu di rumah tangga.
Pola pikir inilah juga yang membuat perang gender nggak penting dan berujung anggapan bahwa feminisme itu adalah semacam balapan siapa yang lebih dominan; bahkan di kalangan beberapa feminis yang gue kenal.
And it’s sad, really. Karena ini sebetulnya bukan perkara dominasi-submisi, tapi perkara bahwa semua orang, apapun jenis kelaminnya, memiliki kesempatan yang sama di masyarakat untuk menjadi dan melakukan hal yang mereka inginkan. Terlalu banyak perempuan yang kehilangan kesempatan karena stigma berdasarkan kelamin dan terlalu banyak laki-laki yang depresi karena ego yang sebetulnya tidak berharga apa-apa.
All in the name of “kamu perempuan” dan “kamu laki-laki”.
Ini semua sudah terlalu melebar. Mari kita kembalikan ke awalnya yang sederhana dengan berhenti mengatakan “lo cewek banget deh” sebagai ejekan kepada laki-laki.
Karena jadi perempuan itu bukan sesuatu yang salah, ataupun terhina.
Selamat Hari Perempuan Internasional.

Dari Sudut Kota, Untuk Puspita || #30HariMenulisSuratCinta: Day 11

Kamu memiliki hidupku.

Ya, kamu tahu sepenuhnya bahwa aku telah menyia-nyiakan banyak waktu dari hidupku untuk seorang wanita yang bahkan tidak pernah ingin tinggal. Menyerahkan porsi besar hidupku untuk seseorang yang tidak menginginkan aku di hidupnya sementara ada orang lain yang menginginkanku seperti aku menginginkanmu.

Ribet ya?

Memang ribet. Cinta, maaf, relasi dan keterikatan asmara antara dua manusia itu selalu ribet dan menyebalkan ketika keduanya memiliki pandangan yang berbeda akan keterikatan tersebut. Di mataku kamu adalah masa depan yang potensial; seorang wanita cerdas yang bisa berdebat denganku mengenai banyak hal, sangat disukai oleh wanita nomer satu di hidupku, bisa mengimbangiku di banyak hal sampai aku bisa berani bilang bahwa kamu adalah cerminan sempurna dariku. Macan versi wanita.

Tapi aku lupa satu hal. Aku adalah seseorang yang egois, brengsek, menyebalkan, dan begitu pula pun kamu.

Di matamu aku adalah… hanyalah “bad boy” (atau lebih tepatnya bed boy). Seseorang yang mengisi waktu senang dan luang selagi hidupmu masih bisa bebas sebelum terikat dalam pernikahan yang tradisional dengan suami baik-baik dari keluarga baik-baik.

Aku adalah seekor Macan, terlahir liar dan mendominasi di dalam chaos, bukan seseorang yang bagus untuk memimpinmu di rumah tangga karena yang kamu butuhkan adalah Naga… atau mungkin Sapi.

Dan ini bukan salahmu juga kok, ini juga sebagian besar adalah kesalahan dari ekspektasiku sendiri atas kita dan atas diriku sendiri.

Sudah satu setengah tahun sejak kita berpisah, dan hampir setahun sejak terakhir aku menatap wajahmu di pelaminan sebelum aku melangkah keluar dari gedung tua dengan aroma kental orba tersebut. Dan nampaknya… aku masih belum bisa melepaskan diri dari bayanganmu.

Aku rasa memang kamu memiliki bagian besar dari hidupku dan ada sisi kecil di dalam hatiku yang tidak ingin mengambilnya kembali. Seperti sandalmu yang masih berjejer rapih di depan pintu kamarku, high heels dan sepatu gym-mu yang masih ada di sudut kamarku, dan serpihan-serpihan kenangan di kota kecil tempat kita berdua dibesarkan.

Mungkin memang saatnya aku melangkah maju, namun bagaimana caranya aku tak tahu.

Dan jujur saja, aku rindu kamu.

– M